Proactive Love

Today I learned a thing, and it made my day, well, my life, all the better because of it. I did learn that it is best to exhibit #Proactivelove, or rather love without any other reason except for the necessity of love. Of #Acceptance, of #Trust, and of #Truth. For we are all blessed to be here and to be alive, so it is up to us to exceptionally love those that we come in contact with, regardless of any stipulation except that we are human beings.

At my job today, I accepted this mindset and did my best to serve as best as I possibly could. What a great day it was! Now, in the past, I might have tried to adopt this mindset and found my days to be all the more difficult, with more demands on my customer service, but today I’m up for it. I will again accept my pledge to “Serve God, my Country, Mankind, and to live by the Girl Scout Law.” Okay, so I know that this is an oversimplification, and that I was only a Girl Scout for one year, after which I did give up from the unselfserving.

It is easy to believe that we are not all good as human beings, but I do not want to accept that. Despite any bad apples, I want to believe that We are #good and made in the image of our #Creator.

Today I learned to #proactively love. For the #Future.


How to Heal

Sweet Jesus, my sorry post from yesterday brought about the realization that I needed to heal! I let twenty-five years of misery go, and the process was quite the relief. To be honest, the editing I did of my little written expression began a release from the uncomfortable rumination. Now I can see that kind of stinkin’ thinkin’ for what it is.

Thank you, precious community, for even bothering to lend your support and care. You all really saw me through a breakthrough. I’m not exaggerating. And today was a great day, and I was a new human being with a heart and a brain that work.

While I might go back to sadness, I’m really going to try not to. As an older and wiser person, I can see that is not even necessary anymore. Granted my brain chemistry is closely tended by observant scientists, or so they say, but heckfire, I’m thankful those medicines are working as well as they are. I was so #depressed in the #past!

Today I feel as if I have been set free. This is more so about my personal relationship with Jesus than with the meds, as this is what heals my cranky heart. I have been washed by the Water and made clean, as not quite instamatically as it may have been imagined. Thoughts are just thoughts, and they do not own me any more. I can set them free, and set me free, too.

Dear friends, all so many of you (yeah) I do wish you the joy of salvation, and that “Peace that passes understanding.”

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 KJV

The great thing about having ruined one’s mind through psychological turmoil for twenty-five plus years is that every blessed day, I can be remeinded about the Lord who makes everything new, and be so completely set free from chewing my own negative cud like a petulant grazing animal. Don’t get me wrong, I wish all of the grazing animals release from yucky cud, and wish them all the sweetest grasses.

Time to renew my mind further, and I will do so before I begin to dream tonight. I love my brain, my memories, my heart, and all of my friends, old and new, despite any hurt feelings. Please set us all free, Lord Jesus, and help us to #heal the #future.

Hell and Gone

Sometimes I really do feel as if I’m a butterfly that got squished in the electric bug light fryer on a beautiful summer evening. The reason that I feel this way is because I had some friends in the past who really made me feel like a worthless person, and while I know that they did not purposefully mean to do that, they did. They were good kids, but not nice to a broken spirit in their midst, especially with the pointless substance abuse.

That is what happens when you love for the wrong reasons at the wrong time in life. And maybe there was a young man who did not mean to break my heart, but my soul got crushed by his turning away. Really no child of eighteen or nineteen should feel as if she has met her soul mate, because who knows their soul at that age?

It was the clinical depression that overtook me in my youth, and I could not fix it on my own, and it turned out that my friends really just did not know what to say or do, because they were babies, too. I tried to rebound according to what my culture dictated, but I could not fit in because of said mental illness that just was untreated. So I wrote many letters, picked up a journal, and now I’ve got this public display of my illness that just makes me feel kind-of stupid.

As part of my paranoia, I feel as if some of the followers or entities that beg me to read their contributions here are some of those same people from my past that accidentally ostracized me. Young people. They do know it all, don’t they? In any case, what to do if you have been diagnosed as “mentally ill” but send yourself back to college to get certified to help those who are “mentally ill?” One must realize that all of that nonsense is a waste of time, and that every little bit is pointless because the reason for being alive still always remains inscrutable? Clearly the answer is not to become a therapist, because it is better just to think of something else to do with one’s time.

I know, too depressing. You all will probably never revisit after this, even if I do perk up. Oh well. Heaven and Hell.

#rambling #pointlessstory #nomeaningoflife #depression

Tuesday Nite!

Rock on, friends, it’s a Tuesday Nite! I gave myself a shot of my Rebif (life-saving MS medicine, that works for me, don’t know what might work for you) and then cleaned the toilets in our house, after first cleaning the sinks. I feel like it was an adventure in not germ-spreading, and do believe that I can now make affirmations about cleanliness with a “clean” conscience. My Momma would kill me if she read this, but I cannot communicate to her how to find my blog, and she could not bear to read it after my past confessional post about my past troubles, anyway.

Did you know that it was recently National Friendship Day of 2019? My good friend, who is my husband, did not even say anything. Was he not planning Preschool Story Times like his Dumbass wife? Guess not. Oh well. He’d probably show a cartoon anyway. His Brilliant and Charming wife, I meant to say.

My songmaking has not improved and I do still lack a lot of musical skill. What is most disturbing though is the fact that I have the brain shrinkage from my MS going on, and so there is not much hope for brilliant art-making from me anyway.

But how brilliant is life that unfolds before me, and how great are the books that I read and share with friends! Praise the Lord that I’ve figured out how to sum things up concisely, and that I do not have to tell the story of the stories I pursue, because in this day and age I trust that you can find it on your own. It’s so exciting that we are all grown-ups now, or so I hope, and even better that I do not have to actually tell anybody else how to live, having dodged the child-rearing bullet with my obliging husband.

Really, I must affirm that my one life skill is selecting colors and matching things up, while smiling. I think that this is something to be proud of, and we all know the benefits of self-pride. It’s what gets one through the day.

I pray that everyone will be happy and well today, and that the weight of the world won’t be on any individual’s shoulders. If it is, I pray that that person will call a friend and chat, maybe have some coffee and a snack. If the weight of the world is indeed upon any of our reader’s shoulders right now, I pray for self-pride, confidence, and friendships to the max. Life is a precious journey, and I wish you all safe passage. God bless!

#MS #hope #journey #learning #grownups

Lazy Sunday

Today is a Lazy Sunday, but I must have needed the rest. It is refreshing to be doing my laundry with a labor-saving machine, and it’s one of those times that I’m thankful for the blessings of modernity. Unfortunately, to say such a thing makes me mindful of the environmental degredation of modernity as well, and I just realize that you can’t win. One really can’t, and if you are winning, then probably your lifestyle needs some reevaluation.

Speaking of, in cleaning my closet today I found some really cute ankle boots that I thought were as cool as all get out, yet rarely wore (they have a little heel and that scares me.) What I discovered today was that the really nice plastic from which the soles were made had turned into a really unsightly pale grey instead of black like the rest of the shoe. Now these were actually some nice ankle boots that I had bought on sale with my employee discount, and yet they still had turned to despicable modern crap, like everything else. It’s despicable at times, this modernity that makes everything great. How disappointing at the end of the day, but at least my closet is clean now.

Had a five day run here on the blog, but yesterday I didn’t post anything. Probably doesn’t matter. I’m reevaluating the blog exercise, but the typing practice is good for me, considering the fact that I was too busy to take typing in high school like everybody else. Story of my #modernlife.

This Sunday has been blessed by watching church online, spending time with my husband and dog. We’re listening to music as I type away like a professional typist or something. Life is a #blessing, and I’m incredibly thankful for it. Perhaps you all are healing me by being present, and I hope that it’s healing you, too. It’s nice not to be thinking about everything wrong, but by actively focusing on everything that’s going right. This blog is the most proactive homework I’ve had in a while. Yay, team #getbetter!

Better Day

Dear Friends,

Thankfully today, I drank my coffee, just as how I know it is meet and right so to do. I did not have a headache, but I was prepared with my #Peppermintoil. It was a blessing just to be at work, knowing my thermos was full of that magic elixir, coffee.

Also today, I managed to notify my Twitter friends about my silly little blog, that I do feel so thankful to have figured out how to make happen. I hope that everyone does enjoy my super-short posts, and that maybe I can charm you all with just #frequency of updates. Unfortunately I have not figured out as much visually as to what might be cool, so I hope that you all bear with me.

It has been so exciting to see what #everybodyelse is doing with these blog spaces, and I’m so glad to learn from all of you excellent wordsmiths. It is so much fun to feel like part of the big universe with my little laptop and big, broken heart. Because, yes, I’m doing this to heal, and it just may be working. My #dog, who snores, also helps me out by just being present. So maybe this is why I need to be here, to snore next to my new #friends.

Lessons Learned

Today I was too lazy to make my coffee this morning. Unfortunately the reward was a very annoying migraine headache. Tomorrow will be different.

Peppermint oil did make me feel better, though. That was the positive lesson learned after a fine “Well, you knew better!” So now I will always remember to #dobetter with my #selfcare, #coffeedrinking, and #soulsearching in the #CoffeeTea Stratosphere of Life.