True Love

Our Little Dog that I had mentioned in a previous post, is made of truest love. She only wants for my husband and me to be happy. She was so worried when he was gone recently, and took it out on well-meaning family members who were helping us out in our home. Eventually though, her heart made of love, of purest dog love, brought everyone around despite the incessant barking.

Poor thing can’t believe it when we decide to leave our house ever. She barks and barks so plaintively that it breaks my heart, and I do try to assure her that we will be coming back soon.

My cat, on the other hand, just happens to be so self-sufficient that she is fine to hang out in our yard and eat the food we give her, that she loves as much as her human parents. She does love to visit on Sunday mornings when I wait in the driveway for our niece to pick me up for church. She just stays close by, and loves all of the pets and cat-talking that we share.

It is an honor to share life with these four-legged friends. Makes me wish that I could live in a zoo, and now I’m starting to understand those tender-hearted animal lovers who live in a world of their own. Maybe I am one of them after all.

Maybe it us not just a dog made of love, but a world made of love. Maybe we are living in Compassion Days currently. Yes, please do your best to keep everybody safe, and be well your own selves.

#Cat #Dog #Compassion #Hope #Healing #Remedies #Spirit

Little Dog

My life had been that of a sworn cat person, not even having one of my own until I was 20, but in my late forties, I got a dog. I still have a cat that has been my baby since she was a kitten and I love her, but this crazy little dog has changed my life entirely. She has captured my heart, and I don’t even really mind when she’s bad, except for when she’s really bad, like when she wants to jump my husband after he had surgery, which is my current state of affairs. My stern commands have kept her off of my husband, and I think that she’s learning just to lay quietly beside him with her cuteness.

So, yes, please cherish the life that we all are blessed to have. I will never be able to fully explain what it was like to have wanted to die so sincerely for so long, just because I didn’t think that I was good enough, after have been so purely loved by a wondeful family for so long. Really it had been my family that had kept me alive through most of my bad moods, but it was not until that pivotal moment when I actually did try to make my life be over because I was so not good at it. I really looked at my psych meds, and thought that maybe that shit could really make it stop and I could quit trying so hard. Like an inexperienced fool, I grabbed my newly filled bottle of antidepressants, and just kept swallowing them beyond my regimented dose. At this point I rejected everything that I had ever loved, and at once failed to any more care about the pain that I would cause all of my loved ones, that were and still are some of the best people ever made.

This was not even my “rock bottom,” as I had been there a few times before already. I know, it sounds miserable, right. I’m really not doing my story justice, because it was actually significantly more terrible than that, and I just don’t really think that I want to carry you all to that bad place just to show off how well I might describe it. Nope.

I can only move forward now, and my count only got to seven antidepressants before I stopped and remembered that life is indeed beautiful, despite my inability to adequately describe it, with anyone at all. They didn’t even pump my stomach at the ER, but gave me some charcoal and put me on the psych ward (again, third time), only with a much more devastating sentence of doom.

This is what I learned, that life is horrible for each and every one of us. We all suffer, and some of us get pulled out of the bad place more quickly than others. To even think that anyone does not suffer is cruel of itself, because life is unruly and unfair and nobody gets it right. Those fuckers that have it all probably don’t really, and they can all fuck themselves anyway. Sorry about the f word, and the exasperation, but I don’t know how else to describe the despair.

This is how I healed: I take my meds, I go to work, and I believe. Yes, I believe in Jesus, but also, I just believe and trust God Almighty who made me, that I’m okay despite my inabilities. He gives me hope, mainly because He acknowledged just how shitty life can be by dying on a cross because everybody put Him there, just because they could and felt like they should. Yet He still found that place where He could come back to the really difficult yet wondrous life that is, and who knows how all of that even worked, so some folks just won’t believe. I hope that they will. I trust that the Good Lord will bring them there, to faith.

That Jesus might bring a little dog to each of those in need.

#Faith #Mystery #Life #Hope #KeepTrying

Wash Your Dog and Hands

In order to find peace of mind during anxious times, my Mom and I gave my dog a bath in the bathroom sink. She is so purty now! As she sleeps next to my husband, there is a nice scent of lavender from her almost dry coat.

In the meantime, I’ve been washing my hands quite stringently, singing “Happy Birthday” twice, as much as I can. Also cleaned my cell phone with rubbing alcohol, and I think now that I just might go wash my face, and then Go To Sleep!

Because our lives are so precious, and our health is so important, I’m doing my best not to go out, and this might be just what I need to improve my prayer life, and to read more books quietly. I’m such a big fan of quiet time, so thank goodness it’s Saturday, and the Lord has blessed my family with a clean dog, closeness, safety, and health.

Despite my current assurance, I did have a minor freak out last night. If you want to know the truth, I have this every Spring. Is it the time change, or maybe just the pollen, or will I ever know why? I’m thinking that maybe it just may be in my best interests to be mindful of the time, the days, the quiet, the noise and the peace. All I know is that church has been made only for online worship and preaching tomorrow, and for this I am thankful.

Please stay healthy and safe everyone, and please don’t forget to wash your hands.

#WashUp #StaySafe #BeWell #HavePeace #GodBless!

#TooHard

Sometimes I feel as if life is too hard, and much more than what I can handle. I know that strength and faith are super amazing and will see me through, and that God is always good. I know with all of my heart that this is true, and that my #faithjourney has proven this to me repeatedly. So why is it so hard, to live and to love on God’s green Earth?

Maybe it’s the environmental toxins and the dearth of hope that perpetuates civilization right now, as we all wonder this same question of why is life #toohard to live? We all know that it is wonderful, and that there are so many beautiful things under the sun to amuse us endlessly. We are all suffering, though, and always will be. But we’ve still got to make our beds, to cook the dinners and to pet all of the dogs and cats, despite what actually might be happening.

#CleanandSober I’ve cut out the chemical amusements. I do not drink the gin and tonic, because my husband hates it when I am drunk. I know my momma would, too, if she knew about it. Thank goodness that she doesn’t really follow this blog, and what is the purpose of this drivel anyway? I guess to let all of us know that we are not alone. I sing to the Universe, but this is probably just for my own benefit, and I hope this little passage will let somebody know that he or she is not alone. Also, please know that it is possible to be clean and sober, and still be happy.

Writing on my laptop helps me to feel as if I’m accomplishing something, but my days of writing papers are long since over. It gives me a chance to charge my Fitbit, too, and that is my actual reason for this post.

Please pray for me, as I’m going through a challenging time, and find it so hard to talk about it productively. I know that “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, ” as Miss Cyndi says, but land sakes, my life is no fun right now.

I will put on the happy face and smile and trust my Lord and my God, and undoubtedly somebody will help me. I will drive my car and put gas in it, and eventually get my taxes done. I pray that the good Lord will help me to sleep some more, with life-affirming dreams. That’s all I need really, just some life affirmation. Sorry this is such a whiny post, but I’ll try to do better the next time I need to charge my Fitbit.

#NeverEasy #Struggles #NotPretty #LosingMyGums #NeverGiveUp #ThankYouForReading

Cat Story on Friday

I know that I should really save this for #Caturday, but I very easily might forget this dramatic tale by then. I’ve mentioned that my cat is a free-range outdoor cat, but also, please know that she is not confined by a collar. She looks like she could be anybody’s cat, but she is ours, and is a part of our home and family. She has an outdoor plastic igloo for bad weather, that is kind of tucked away by some bushes near the side of our house. She does look like a stray, I admit, but she does stay in our yard.

There is a neighbor that I have never met that must live close to me in our pretty small town. She’s a photographer, and lo! she had posted on Facebook in our neighborhood town site that there are a lot of loose cats in our town, who must need a home. As a photographer, she of course had photos of some neighborhood cats, and there was this photo of our cat, as beautiful as she may be. She was looking straight at the camera, with narrow pupils, so I thought, no, that can’t be my cat, because I’m accustomed to her adoring big pupils.

Today we had some visiting time, and I sat by her in the front driveway, petting her and scratching her head, as she likes. I noticed her eyes at one moment, however, and there were those thin pupils, and she looked just like the other lady’s photograph!

My strategy is that I’m going to post on that same Facebook site, with some photos that I’ve just taken of my literal baby, with those similar looking eyes and distinctive Mackerel Tabby markings, and beautiful, colorful coat, with a lot of orange and black.

Let’s all be thankful that humans don’t have free-range, outdoor children. Can you imagine seeing your baby just in somebody’s photo post? Well, I can. It happened to me and my cat, I believe, and I’m feeling like a territorial Mama right now, so I finally get it about the human kids and my Mom, in a way that I had never fully understood before this unusual social media mishap.

Oh, well, no kids, one cat and one dog. I share my life with the best husband in the world, and maybe I should get him a collar, too.

#Photography #Neighbors #OutdoorCats #Home

Coffee Friend

A remarkable thing happened to me today at work! I was late in the morning, so I had no coffee. Desperately making tea when I got to work, I did not know if it would be a migraine day or if my brain had healed significantly since the last time I was late with my coffee. My coworker, upon hearing my lack of coffee woe, agreed to pick me up a cup at the Circle K, and would not even let me give him any cash for it. Now that’s a coworker friend, indeed.

I was so late to work this morning that I drove a little bit quickly, but I made it safely there. I had my book to read at lunch, and I even got to visit with one of my favorite patron friends, who wants me to go to a concert with her in the future, at a fancy church. Life is full of blessings when one does align oneself with bonhomie and become determined to be ever pleasant.

That is my new life’s goal, to be pleasant and kind and not mad at the world. Okay, so I’ve been unhappy in the past, but I shall evermore move forward, without turning back. My rear-view camera on my car helps me to align myself positively when backing up, but all of this scares me a little bit, because I wish I had eyes on all the sides of my head. It’s so hard to only look forward, especially when one is a tad neurotic and perpetually dizzy. My primary fear in life is that of losing my vision, so I will continue to look for stars and rainbows in the views ahead.

#Kindness #Working #Self-doubt #Confidence #Overcomer

Positively Thinking

Now is the time to think positively about the world. Well, in my world at least. Inthe past, when I have been more sick, my attitude and outlook was just so negative and self-defeating. I don’t know why it was so hard to shake this, but finally, there appears to be a turnaround, and I’m getting better at changing my mind when it starts turning negative.

This might explain why my health is improving, and why life has gotten so much brighter. It’s still troubling to view the world that tends to lean towards madness, but the amazing capability of letting it go is the new way fo living for me. It helps not to watch television. Love the ones you love, I say, and let go of the bitterness and strife. Life is too freaking amazing and precious to squander even a moment of it.

Now, apparently my antidepressant helps with this. And my small-dose benzo, but as long as they’re making these medicines, probably someone should take them to keep the economy moving. I know, sick and wrong. It’s crazy that there are so many entities involved in helping each other out, and that we all have to pay for each other’s services and expertise when it is there. How else would the world be run anyway?

And so I proceed with my pursuit of natural tonics, of healing foods, and vitamins and minerals. Hopefully I won’t mess this all up by consuming the wrong elements in the wrong combinations, but it is all worth the struggle, and I like the application of consideration to all of this. With my positive attitude, maybe the Good will triumph in my struggles. One day at a time, and on this day, I will believe. Faith in the future to overcome the past might be the necessary medicine for living, and if so, I’m in, ongoing science experiment that I am.

#Future #Health #Healing #Overcomers #LookUp!